Lets look at ds Breaking Down BDSM. You’ve read about it, you might have gone to the Adult Store and wondered about some of the toys there. And you might have even wanted to try it with your sexual partner. But what is BDSM? Here at Bondage 101 we take you on that journey. We aim to enlighten you with the fundamentals of BDSM and Kink Play.
There are three main aspects of BDSM which form the acronyms BD, DS and SM. In the first article of this three part series, we will be exploring the ins and outs of the first acronym, Bondage and Discipline.
What Is Bondage And Discipline? Breaking Down BDSM
Bondage and Discipline is pretty simply and straight forward. It refers simply to being consensually physically tied up with restraints for erotic purposes. These purposes might refer to the infliction of pain, punishment, or for humiliation. There is no limit to the purpose providing that the restraining has been done consensually.
That’s an important aspect through which a lot of people don’t necessarily understand when it comes to BDSM. Despite the nature of the act and the outward appearance of the people that are participating in the act, all parties are undertaking a consensual activity. There are exceptional circumstances though and usually occur in new practitioners, or partnered abuse.
Bondage and Fantasy
So bondage and fetish fantasies are a common fantasy that occurs in both men and women. There are a lot of couples around the world that have practiced restraining at some point in their relationship and sexual life. Fantasies are important. This is an aspect which most experts agree on, fantasies are powerful and pervasive.
From that point on though, experts don’t really agree much more than that. For every single study which suggests that men and women will fantasize sexual activity in one particular way, there will be another study which contradicts that.
Reason for this is fairly simple.
Sex and sexual activity means different things for different people. This is based on their sex, their gender, and the way they perform both of those. As well as their cultural upbringing and their relationship to sexual activity.
Some people will consider oral stimulation as an intimate form of sexual activity. And will consider their first oral experience to be a loss of their virginity. Others will rationalise it through the breaking of the hymen as being a loss of virginity. And all other sexual activities including anal sex is not considered to be them breaking their vow of sexual abstinence.
BDSM and Kink Play is Complex
That is why BDSM and kink play is so complex. Understanding is not based on a single umbrella term that can be found within the dictionary. An understanding instead is formed through the engagement of an activity through willing partners and the way they navigate through such an activity.
Yes, BDSM has core ideals. And bondage and discipline as a term have a set definition. But in the situation where one couple view the restraining of a partner with silk cuffs that are removed after several minutes to be an expression of hard core BDSM. And where another couple view bondage as restraining their partner for an entire afternoon using a straitjacket, a cage and ankle cuffs, it is clear that the engagement and understanding of the term is vastly different.
Core element of Bondage is the Power Exchange
All elements of BDSM have a core. Core of Bondage and discipline involves a sexual power exchange which will see one person being restrained and having power taken away from them. Or a person delivering discipline to the other. Both of these scenarios involve one person having more power than the other and being dominated.
That is Bondage and Discipline at the core.
To extend upon that. Being dominated by another person is routinely among the most popular sexual fantasies by men and women. This might be limited to the bedroom, or further. Whilst the physical act involves a certain element of power, as we just discussed. It doesn’t always translate to the behaviour of the sexual act. In the majority of activities, the end goal can be achieved through physical elements or even emotional elements.
A person, may not be physically restrained but have been told to stay or sit in a certain position. In this case the restraining has been done by the mind. Similarly, the act doesn’t always transfer to the power. A person penetrating might be considered to be submissive if the other holds the power.
Think for example in Male Chastity. The male is only permitted to engage in penetrative play when they person holding the key allows it. Yes, this is one end of the spectrum. Not everyone that engages in Bondage and Discipline play will use chastity as a form of their sexual expression. But it is being brought up here to explore and showcase the fragile, fluid and complex state of being of bondage which we will try and unpack here today.
People find the transfer of power to be highly erotic and arousing
For the individual that has been restrained, either through physical domination. Or through the use of tools such as rope, cuffs and other items, bondage can generate a certain degree of sexual excitement.
Primarily this excitement stems from the vulnerability of the situation. The person restrained has no ‘will’ of their own and they are consequently subjected to the will of a more dominant individual. Decisions have been taken from them. Their body and their genitals are no longer a part of themselves.
But in a way to be considered to be the property of the dominant individual. You can take this approach subconsciously. Or you can extend it into the acknowledgement that the partner’s genitals are the physical property of another.
Consider the distinction between two scenarios.
A first scenario where a male has been restrained to the bed, his partner controls the stimulation. That partner may or may not decide to engage in penetrative play with which the decision is up to them. There is a transfer of power to the dominant individual. But not an explicit idea that the partner’s genitals are their own.
Contrast that with male chastity where his sexual partner controls the key to the chastity cage. There is an explicit acknowledgement that the genitals are the property of the one holding the key. That key holder is the one that expressly decides when to unlock the cage.
Female Domination
The female domination of a male sees their masculinity taken away from them. They are no longer in control of their own phallus and masculinity. And that power is transferred to their dominant female sexual partner. Whilst the act itself is still active vs passive, the control of that is no longer in the hands of the male.
Vulnerability and having ones power taken away from them is erotically stimulating for some.
There might be certain pleasures in not being able to provide self-stimulation. Instead forcing all sexual energy to that of the dominant partner. Some people might be aroused through struggling to get free of the restraints that have been placed upon them. Others might find arousal in the pain and humiliation that could exist through the removal of their self-determination.
For the dominant partner the arousal and sexual excitement might stem from the aesthetically pleasing sight of a bound individual that has been restrained. Arousal might stem from being in control and forcing their partner to be subjected to their desires and will. Or it might stem from the obvious pleasure that their partner gets from the act. It’s not uncommon within BDSM to not being specifically interested in an act. But they do it for the benefit of the partner only to then grow into it and learn to enjoy it.
In short bondage and discipline involves a power exchange which involves a submissive being subjected to the will of a dominant. And where the dominant takes control and responsibility for the safety and pleasure of a submissive. Such play can be highly arousing and erotic for all parties involved. Even if there is no form of sexual intercourse or genital stimulation.
Various Types of Bondage
We have already stipulated that bondage refers to the physical restraint of an individual. That is bondage at its heart.
From there we can look at various activities which might be considered to be soft, to activities which might be considered hard. How you engage with bondage from that point is up to both yourself, your sexual partner, comfort levels and experience.
For example a teenage couple might consider a simple pair of novelty handcuffs to be fun and exciting. Whereas an experienced couple might find the idea of complete mummification to be arousing. An erotic engagement of bondage and discipline will vary between individuals, and sexual partners.
Bondage, at its core, may refer to pulling body parts together in the form of handcuffs. Or it may involve the separation of body parts such as through a spreader bar, ropes or similar. Bondage can also involve the binding of an individual to an object. Suspension of a person in the air, the restriction of movement or the complete wrapping of a body known as mummification.
Basically, anything that restricts the movement of an individual can be considered to be a form of bondage. A perusal of any quality adult store will quickly reveal in their Kink section a variety of products. Which all look differently but ultimately achieve the same sort of goal.
There are a wide variety of materials that are used
To achieve this through the use of common household items. Through to professionally made items, to ad-hoc items that have been modified by savvy individuals for the purpose of restraining.
A most basic tool used within restraining is rope or handcuffs which are then used bind their extremities together or to an object. This restraining might be used in a basic way. Or it might be used in a more complex fashion which restricts an individual to a particular position. For example, a person whose arms have been spread and tied to opposite bed posts is to be considered restrained in the same way that an individual has been rope tied and suspended from the ceiling.
This contrast between a simple and complex form of bondage highlights the differences and engagement through the term. Both are bondage. Yet both are completely different activities through which people can engage with bondage through.
To further enhance the sensual experience
Bondage might be supplemented with additional items and props. These might include, but not limited to; blindfolds, gags, handcuffs, earplugs, and bondage hoods. Such items are used in several ways. Firstly to enhance the experience and increase a sense of isolation, confinement, vulnerability and even helplessness. Secondly to increase the aesthetic appeal of being restrained.
It can increase sexual enjoyment and arousal by forcing the body to rely on other senses thereby increasing sexual stimulation. Consider the idea of being handcuffed to a chair and wearing a blindfold. A body is unable to see what is happening. And instead relies on the remaining senses such as hearing and touch in order to comprehend what is happening around it and to make sense of the situation.
Various Types Of Discipline
This is one that often confuses people. Confusion stems from peoples understanding of what discipline is. At the core, discipline is the behavioural modification of an individual which is based on a punishment or rewards system.
In popular TV shows such as CSI, and Law and Order, discipline is often viewed as a physical act. Such as spanking or the utilisation of a whip/paddle to inflict pain and humiliation on someone who has misbehaved. What’s often left out, is the rewards based system.
Discipline, at its core, refers to the training of a submissive individual.
Consider the idea of spanking in the bedroom, ‘You’ve been a naughty boy’ followed by a light spank is an example of discipline. Spanking is as a response to the ‘naughty’ behaviour. And the spank is seen to be an attempt to modify the individual’s behaviour into something more acceptable. It does not matter that the ‘naughtiness’ is non-existent or little more than a fantasy. Discipline is still being used by the dominant as a way to correct the behaviour of the submissive.
But discipline does not always involve physical punishment. It might take the form of a reward being withheld such as sexual stimulation or an orgasm. Or it might involve the submissive being demanded to perform a sexual service. It could involve the inflicting of physical pain through whipping, flagellation, spanking or other activities.
Bondage itself might also be used as an example of discipline. If the restraints have been administered as a form of punishment.
BDSM Fashion
Discipline in this fashion, can take on numerous activities. It might be the forced engagement of an activity that is pleasurable for the recipient. Or the removal of a pleasurable activity from someone that enjoys it.
For example, a partner might be forced to orally please his sexual partner for misbehaving. And as a result not receive sexual stimulation of their own. In this situation there is no spanking or use of props. But there is still a ‘punishment’ being given.
Commonly in chastity relationships, the chaste male might be required to perform domestic chores, or to pleasure his partner before he himself is pleasured. Or he might find himself being stimulated with a male sex toy to the edge, and then have the stimulation removed. No whips, paddles or other implements required here. Just the forced sexual stimulation of one and/or the removal of pleasurable activities from the other.
A History of Bondage
When exploring the history of bondage and discipline there is no clear cut answers. These kinds of erotic and non-erotic behaviours have sprung up throughout history. They have spontaneously developed in different cultures around the planet.
Discipline for example could be argued to have stemmed from a period of human history where public floggings were commonplace. Where public shaming and humiliation were practiced as an attempt to correct, and/or modify human and social behaviour within a society.
To put simply, the practices and activities that are commonly seen within BDSM or closely resemble activities within BDSM and kink play do not have a single or common origin point. We will explore the histories more closely in another article.
As you can see, bondage and discipline is complex.
We have explored throughout this article the idea that B & D is an interpretable term. And that it has potential to mean different things for different people. We have acknowledged the core points in the sense that bondage is the physical restraint of an individual. Discipline is an attempt to modify/correct an individual’s behaviour through a punishment or rewards based system on a specific or imagined form of behaviour.
From that core there is a vast amount of differing types of engagement. Through the simple use of handcuffs within the bedroom, to the art and complexity of rope suspension and complete mummification within bondage. And through the use of tools and implements to inflict pain and humiliation on an individual to forcing a pleasurable act on a sexual partner which forms discipline.
Bondage and Discipline, however is just one component of BDSM.