BDSM is a confusing area of sexual practices and here at the home of bondage 101 we will try and clear up those murky waters. As with most things people don’t quite understand, there are a diverse range of stigma’s and generalisations that are applied to people that practice BDSM.
“Some Of The Most Wonderful People Are The Ones Who Don’t Fit Into Boxes.”
Home of Bondage 101
An Online Guide To Bondage, Fetish And Kink
This online Bondage 101 guide aims to clear some of that murkiness up through the close examination of a variety of kinky sexual practices and the bd breaking down BDSM. Having been in the community for a long time, we know that it’s often very easy to make snap judgements about something that you can’t quite grasp. And it’s not at all helped by the depictions of BDSM in popular culture which often paint with a tarnished brush it as weird, odd or absurd.
When Fifty Shades came out several things happened at once. Discussion about BDSM sky rocketed, popular Adult Stores were struggling to keep up with demand. Keyboard warriors came out in both condemnation and defense of the series. Therein lies both the positive and negative thoughts that surround such popular cultural depictions around BDSM such as Fifty Shades of Grey.
Why Fifty Shades of Grey is important for Kink Culture
Fifty Shades series was polarising, there is no denying that. It was polarising in the sense that it shone a spotlight on such a taboo topic. Sex and how we practice sex is not something that is often talked about. Despite our shift towards a more sex positive society when it comes to the youth we are still concerned with the teaching and education of the mechanics and biology of sex. As opposed to the pleasurable aspects of sex and sexual activity.
When it comes to the discussion of pleasure – there are many people that shy away from it.
There were people from camps, Vanilla and Kinky, that heralded it as a masterpiece and there were others that condemned the series as a worthless piece of junk. A primary reason that many people found within the series hard to digest, was the depiction of the relationship between the protagonist Anastasia and Christian Grey. Commentators believed that the depiction of the relationship crossed the lines of abuse. It was not an accurate representation of a loving, consensual BDSM/Kink relationship.
Wherever you sit in that dynamic, and rest assured we’re not going to wade too deeply into it here, there is no denying that it had a positive effect on the popularisation of an often hidden topic. Interestingly people weren’t too interested in the relationship dynamic of the book. They were more concerned with trying out new sexual activities with their loved ones.
At the time that Fifty Shades came out I was working in an Adult Lifestyle store.
New Sexual Activities
People from all walks of life were wanting to try new sexual activities. Husbands and boyfriends alike nervously came in with lists of what their significant others were wanting from the store. Across the ranges various products were continually out of stock. I saw business women walking in, executives and business partners, the canteen lady from down the road. Nervous and shy boyfriends that were unsure of what to expect. Older gay couples wanting to enjoy their sex life were coming in in droves, as were their heterosexual counterparts. It was a wild time.
In this regard, the book achieved an affect. Breaking down of stigma within the BDSM relationship and community. It seemed that everyone was now partaking in kink activities, and they were loving it. In this vein of thought, what, however, can we take from Fifty Shades and apply it to our thinking in order to broaden our understanding of BDSM?
Firstly through acknowledging both camps.
Some of which do have valid arguments. We have to acknowledge Fifty Shades and other such literary works, are pieces of fiction. They are a single individual’s opinion and artistic representation of the Kink scene. From this, we are led to the ideal that the most important thing to remember is that BDSM and kinky sexual practices mean a variety of things to different people.
There is no one way to practice kink and BDSM.
Even devout practitioners of a kinky lifestyle will often disagree amongst themselves as to which approach is best when it comes towards a particular sexual activity. This can be seen case in point, when people were far more concerned with the engagement of the sexual activities within the book. As opposed to the nature of the relationship between the primary characters.
Aim of Bondage 101
This website is going to explore BDSM and its diversity in an in-depth way. A bondage 101 guide of sorts, and an informative look into everything that you’ve wanted to know about BDSM.
We are going to examine the ins and outs of BDSM, what BDSM means, and the activities that can be involved when one embarks on a kinky lifestyle. Through that, we will explore the Kink culture, social behaviours, and the psychology behind Kink culture.
It will be an exciting journey as we look at why people engage in kink sexual practices, what they get out of it, and the benefits that a kink lifestyle can have on a relationship. I want to make it clear though that there are a few points to remember as you traverse through the depths of BDSM. These primary points will be echoed throughout the site and in various ways through each article as the importance of these points should never be ignored when learning about BDSM.
Important Points to Remember
- BDSM and the kinks within BDSM will mean different things to different people. They will have a core definition and understanding. But from that core people will engage and practice in a particular activity in a way through which they obtain pleasure from. BDSM is not about keeping up with the Jones’s, it is a journey of self-discovery and discovery with a partner.
- BDSM and its activities are always consensual. Even if you’re not seeing the consent within a certain activity, or if they are in a situation where they seem to be ‘protesting’, they are always in control and consenting. Ignoring of a safe word and continuing when someone is clearly distressed and wanting an activity to end is abuse. It is a violation of the law.
- Don’t yuck someone else’s yum. Sure, there will be kinks and activities that you will not be interested in. But that’s not to say that someone else will not be.
- Everything is connected. What you’ll quickly learn as you read through this site, is that BDSM as an acronym has a foundational basis. A majority of activities, kinks and fetishes will in some form invariably link back to the base definition. We will try and point it out as we go because the psychology of BDSM and its practices is exceptionally interesting.
We make it clear though, this website is not an explicit instructional guide.
There can be no instructional guide to BDSM. Everyone approaches it with different mindsets, intents and contexts. As such there can be no one size fits all instructional approach to BDSM. We aim, therefore, to provide an informative and factual insight into BDSM practices and activities.
If all you’ve heard about BDSM is pain, suffering and non-consensual activities, it’s understandable that you might be a little adverse to the idea of BDSM and dismissive of the lifestyle. A lot of people aren’t necessarily understanding of the fact that not only are Kinky couples the most adjusted of couples. But that the engagement of kink and BDSM actually is one way to increase the passion within the relationship.
So let’s dive right into this exploration by examining what BDSM is.
BDSM Activities
BDSM is a series of activities that generally involve forms of role playing games in which a person will assume a dominant role and another individual will play a submissive role. There are variations of this which we will go through. Including shared submissiveness and dominance.
Activities surrounding this form of role play will often centre around restraint of some kind (physically or mentally), power play and exchanges, humiliation and sometimes, pain.
- A dominant is noted as the person who controls, or directs the scene.
- Submissive (or sub) is the individual who concedes control.
- Some people have a preferred role that they enjoy playing.
- Others might enjoy switching between roles depending on who they are playing with.
A thing about BDSM is that it gives people a chance to explore different sexual aspects of a partner. BDSM, as you will discover, is not just about the body’s response to intimacy but about an exploration of each other’s minds. In this journey of self-discovery and discovery concerning your partner you can throw conventional sexual activity and vanilla sex.
Reports on the practice of BDSM vary.
But commonly it is suggested that up to and above ten percent of adults routinely engage in BDSM and kink play. With such a minority it has often led to misconceptions involving the practice some of which range from mild interpretations to the extreme.
Sit back relax, and enjoy this informative and educational website as we take you through a journey of discovery, wonder and awe through the exploration of BDSM and Kink.
Also if you have a moment read some the blogs posted by our resident writes and guest contributors at the bondage 101 Blog. There are some really helpful articles like 5 tips for your first bdsm play.
