Welcome to our guide to introducing bondage and kink to your partner. Unless you’ve already become accustomed to the kink scene you may be thinking about introducing your partner to this scene. If you’re going out on munches, play parties and kink events to indulge your fantasy with bondage play then read on. But if the previous few terms don’t make much sense to you, then you’ll definitely need to read on.
If you’ve come to this page you’re here for one of three reasons.
1. You’re looking to explore your kink. You have some desires that are in your mind, and you have some dark fantasies that you’ve been thinking about. Your partner might not know, they might not be keen, or you might be thinking that you’re a bit of a pervert or that there’s something wrong with you. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re perfectly normal and you definitely need to read on.
2. You might be the partner of someone that has come to you and said – hey, I’m into this why don’t we give it a go. You’re confused, you might be a little taken aback and you might be having doubts. Breathe in. They’re perfectly normal and they’ve come to you to tell you their mind because they love you and they want to explore things with you. You’ll need to read on.
3. You might be here because you’re a little lost. Who knows, this might come up in a future relationship and for the fun of learning. Then you’ll need to read on too.
Art to Introducing Bondage and Kink To Your Relationship
When it comes to introducing kink to your relationship – there’s definitely an art to it. It might not be ideal to simply turn up one day with a bunch of paddles, whips and handcuffs in your arms one day after work. So how would you bring it up?
When a partner brings up their interest in kink, it’s usually something that they’ve been thinking about for a while. It doesn’t just magically pop into their head one day and they immediately want to try it. Kink, from light kink to heavy kink, is something that’s been sitting around in their minds for a while.
They might have done some reading, they might have spoken to their friends about it, or they might have been satisfying their curiosity through porn. Point being – expressing a curiosity in a kink is not an isolated thought or incident.
So the first thing you need to consider is this.
Establish what your kinks actually are
It might be a starting point. But by considering, and thinking about what turns you on and why it turns you on can be a great way to get your partner involved. A person might not have the best reaction when they don’t necessarily understand something.
Take male chastity for example. Many people do not understand the idea of locking up a penis in a cage. Considering the why, and then having the ability to articulate that, takes the image of the cock in a cage and brings it back to the main point. I like the idea of my cock being in a cage, because the lack of power and control of my own body is something that turns me on.
Having you hold the key, making me work for my orgasms is something that drives me crazy and I’d like to explore this with you.
This is part of the first step – communication.
Not just identifying your kink, but also understanding why you like that kink and what turns you on about it. How do you communicate this part of your life though?
It’s not exactly something you can bring out of the blue now is it? There are several ways that it can be introduced into the bedroom and to your partner. You can do it gradually and you have done the research. And you understand the idea of chastity is about control and about handing over the control of your sex, sexuality and orgasms to your partner.
Introduce these lighter aspects to your partner – that you’d like to please them. If you can make them cum, and you do it well, then you can get off as well. If they’re not happy with your job, then they will not assist in getting you off. This kind of play works really well for chastity.
But what if you’re a massive pain slut and you want to be slapped from here to kingdom come? Then you introduce lighter aspects during sex and play. Can you spank me as we have sex, I like the idea of this as it really turns me on. By introducing the lighter aspects into your play, then you’re taking stepping stones to your kink.
Checking In – Aftercare
An important thing here to remember is the communication. Not only in expressing what you’d like, but also in checking in with them afterwards. Hey I really enjoyed XYZ, how did you feel about that? Well, I thought I was hurting you so I was a little cautious. I understand that, but you weren’t hurting me at all, in fact, maybe next time you could try going a little harder?
This simple check in is about kink aftercare. You’re checking in with how something made you and your partner felt, and you’re making adjustments for the next time that you play. Keeping in mind that not every sexual encounter or moment of intimacy has to be kink.
This notion is an excellent time to take a step back and remind you of a few things. Yes, you might be aware of your kink, you might be super keen and you might have researched the hell out of it and feel that you’re ready.
Be Mindful of Your Partner
You need to be mindful of your partner. Whilst you have the benefit of contemplation and research, you’ve thought about this for a while and your partner hasn’t. You need to give them time, space and the ability to get onto the same page as you.
Breathe, relax and remember to take this slow. Don’t demand kink play every time that you’re intimate, because there needs to be a balance.For partners of people that like kink – you need to grow at your own pace and keep your partner at an even and level speed that you’re comfortable with.
Don’t be afraid to ask questions, don’t be afraid to do your own research and come at them. Do keep the following in mind though – you could have ten different couples that are interested in the same kink idea, chastity, restraint play, whipping and each of them will approach the kink differently.
Approach the kink or activity that feels comfortable for you, and at your own pace.
Kink is a gradual process of learning about each other
And helping create the fantasy between both of you. Sometimes, people get so caught up in their own fantasy that they forget that there’s a difference between fantasy and what’s actually happening. This getting lost can cause resentment, frustration as they feel that their needs aren’t being met.
So, this is what’s so essential in communicating how things went, how you felt, and what you need. This is the part where you compromise and acknowledge each other’s abilities, skills and comfort levels.
Keeping these things in mind will go a long way in helping you explore your kink with your partner. Good luck!